Early Days

I was never particularly smart, outgoing, nor athletic. Growing up, I was told of the miracle of living through part of my brain dying. I guess that's why I feel the need to exceed expectations, and why I would get so upset whenever I couldn't. I was shifted in and out of multiple different leveled classes throughout the years. I was lightly picked on as well. I was voted nicest classmate in 6th grade.

My mom and my dad separated when I was nine. She was pregnant, and her boyfriend lived in the house with us. I remember being scared of the idea that I could get pregnant. It was always weird to me, that mysterious question of how does a person become. My brothers exposed me to pom adult vids when I was around five, and I've always found it a bit gross. One evening, shortly after she gave birth, we moved. I have three older siblings, and excluding me, there were 6 people, two dogs, and two cats in a single-wide trailer. Not ideal. While my older siblings moved to our dad's, I stayed. I got my own room, and I got to sleep over the neigbourhood kids' houses when my mom fought with her boyfriend.

The 2010's brought its own problems. When I was ten or eleven, my mom's boyfriend, Jor, had to turn himself in; I don't remember what he did, but he was gone for a while. When he came back, he didn't change. It was also around this time but in the summer, that we caught lice.

I continued going to school and making friends. Then, I remember when Hurricane Irene came through (and that fat fuck, Chris Christi wanted to cancel halloween). It flooded the roads around the trailer park, essentially trapping all of us for a couple of weeks. Then, the next summer hurricane Sandy came through.

I remember when I taught myself how to ride a bike. I'm very proud of that. I lived near an overpass that goes over a railroad track. I remembered walking my bike up the grassy hill, getting on, let myself go and try. I fell so often that one of the neighbors, a gruff biker guy who was actually a softie, nicknamed me crash, and would encourage me from his yard. I remember staying up to hear the freight train to come by across from our trailer. I remember when my dad still lived in the family home after my mom left, my oldest brother pushed me off a scooter, and my dad ran out, yelled at him, and took me inside to clean my knee up. The only other time I remember him taking me inside like that was when I broke my ankle and passed out on the couch from the pain or screaming too much. So that night, with a bandaid on my knee, I sat in the bathroom, racking my fucking brain. In my mind, I could keep the bandaid on and have my dad tend to me again, or I could rip the bandaid off and risk dad not needing to pay attention to me. It was a symbol of maturity, independence and the horrible knowledge that someone doesn't mean what they say.

Teenage years

Like anyone, my teenage years were tumultuous. When I was thirteen, we moved back into my childhood home, but we made it worse. That summer, our dogs died. So, I became more and more depressed. I fell deep, and kept sinking until the next summer, and then some.

In my Freshman year of highschool, I was at one of the bigger, regional high schools in South NJ. This is when I met Pip; other than Pip, Delsea was pretty awful, especcially about bullying. Pip and I shared a few classes, but I didn't see them in school often because they have physical and mental conditions that can make everyday tasks immensely difficult. We became best friends.

After I accidentally gave Pip lice, which was easily extinguished, their mom had a very impactful phone call with me, about my living conditions. As my mom was cutting my hair in the kitchen, I had someone literally in my ear, telling me this isn't right. And after weeks of probably some of the deepest reflection possible for a mentally handicapped 14 year old, I decided to tell my dad a little bit about what was going on. So, he arranged it, that I'd pack my things and move into my dad's house and switch to a new regional school. If I were a fish, this would be the moment I jumped from the pan to the fire.

I had to enroll into a different school. I made friends fairly quickly, got along real well with some of my classmates and teachers. Then in January, I was put in an in-patient care unit. Everyone who knew me at school, recalled feeling blindsided by the fact I had a mental break. And, so after I proved that I was stable, I was allowed back at school. On what was supposed to be my last day of out-patient, dad'd gf took me to Lancaster, PA to prove how little she actually understood about genetics. Idek what the appointment was made for, if not for her to plead that she doesn't know what to do with me, while I sat, humiliated and stupid, as most teens are. She was high. It wasn't confirmed until after we crashed through an electric line, down a ditch and up a tree. After that my dad started to feel the pressure of accountability fall on him, while I wore a scarf in spring to hide the tension burn on my neck. Following the investigation, there was a protection order for me against his girlfriend. Then, she started showing up in the night, and after getting sick of the patterns, my brother and I called DYFUS on her ass, cause we knew she wasn't supposed to be there, and we knew taught to us by our dad it'll keep happening until they learn that it can't keep happening.. Just sucks that he was so hypocritical. When K got taken away, my dad flipped the fuck out. He crashed out on me, took family photos off the mantle, put a hole in the wall next to my bedroom door. I knew, that he knew, but I don't know if he knew that Ricky was in on it..after a few weeks, though, he kicked me out. My cat and I moved into my friend's house, where I finished highschool. It didn't really matter; my brother moved south with my mom a year prior. Home had become a shelter to me, nothing else to dig my heels in for.

Gettin the fuck outta dodge//Manifest Destiny

So, technically, there's a lot that I left out for privacy sake, but I took a schooling opportunity, which would send me from NJ to MA, all government funded, and I received an allowance just for being there. There were a lot of rules, most of which I got away with breaking often. I was nice, focused, and super disinterested in drama: The ideal Job Corps Student.

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